Monday, July 20, 2009

Trying to be positive, and failing

Normally if you asked, I'd tell you I like my job. But lately it's been stressful. We've got too much to do, and not enough writers to do it. It's meant working long hours and not taking any vacation time.

So, now I find out that, not only do I have 45 days worth of work to do in 15, they're taking away my telecommuting. When I first started with the company, I had been telecommuting 2 days a week. Then about a year ago they made it 1 day a week. And now, nope, sorry, none.

And why? Is it because I'm not working enough? Is it because they feel I'm not productive? No, they recognize that I get a LOT done when I work from home, more than when I'm in the office. They tell me I'm one of the most productive writers they've got. OK, then why? Oh, yeah, because it's company policy. Never mind that there's people who work from home EVERY DAY. And I can't one day a week, to avoid 3 hours of commuting?!?!

But hey, I can't complain, at least I've got a job, right?


Sunday, July 19, 2009

Campfire Memories

Tonight E and I had a campfire in our backyard. Just a little fire. It was very nice.
It made me remember the summers when I was a kid...

I remember my parents friends coming over for cookouts. I remember sitting at the picinic table, talking in the dark, next to the camp stove. I remember people getting thrown in the pool with all of their clothes on by two other adults. I remember looking up at the stars, seeing the different constellations, and the Milky Way. I remember that it was fun.

TTC, Take 2

So, after a morning of being glum, I talked with my mom and felt a lot better. Of course, that didn't stop me from being moody all day (sorry E, you took it like a champ). So, here are my thoughts this morning:
  • I'm no longer jealous of our friends, I'm very happy for them. I'd actually stopped being jealous over a week ago, when I talked with E about it. I think I just needed to voice my jealousy to get over it.
  • Silver lining 1: I'd originally thought having a late spring baby would be ideal. Not being pregnant yet gets us closer to a late spring due date.
  • Silver lining 2: I have time to figure out things like, should I stop taking my otc allergy medicine, or is it ok to take while pregnant?
  • Silver lining 3: It's summertime, and having a beer or two while having a cookout is nice. The beer yesterday tasted really good.
  • Silver lining 4: I don't have to cut back on coffee yet!
I'm still disappointed that I'm not pregnant. I'm actually surprised at how disappointed I am. But I take that as a good sign. I really am ready (anxious even!) to be a mom.

I also have a new understanding of all those women who have a hard time conceiving, I don't know how they do it. I think having disappointments month after month would get to be really depressing. I wonder how they can keep trying, and not just give up for sanity's sake. Of course, I know why they don't give up, but it must be so hard.

A few things do suck, and they'll continue to suck until I get pregnant. I still have migraines. I don't have a known time-frame for maternity leave (which I'm really looking forward to!) I have to keep it a secret that we're TTC (trying to conceive), since that's what E and I agreed to. But it's not the end of the world.

So, as a new cycle begins, I'm back to being happy, and hopeful. We'll keep TTC, and we'll see what happens. And hey, that's the fun part anyway!

Saturday, July 18, 2009


Nope, not pregnant.

Friday, July 17, 2009


Today on my way home from work, I began having some serious cramping. And when I got home, I noticed some spotting. Am I getting my period after 32 days? Or is it really just spotting? Or worse, am I having a miscarriage? Is fate laughing at me because I called the doctor today?

The doctor suggested going and getting an over-the-counter pregnancy test. So we'll know. One way or the other. Tomorrow.

Thursday, July 16, 2009


Before we decided to try and get pregnant, I thought that pregnancy tests were a waste of money. If you're trying, and you miss you're period, you're pregnant. End of story. However, I'm beginning to see their benefits. I'm in the stage of 'am i late? or pregnant?' I could go out and get a pregnancy test. And it could tell me I'm pregnant or not. Of course, if it was negative, that wouldn't mean I wasn't pregnant, just that I would have to wait some more. Sigh.

So, I wait.

Saturday, July 11, 2009


E and I just found out friends are expecting. Their baby's been cookin' for about a month. And I'm jealous. This was supposed to be our time for the exciting news! OK, yes, we're a bit behind them and all... So, hopefully by time it's our turn to give the good news, I'll be done being jealous, and just happy for them.

And now I'm thinking, as I type this, I've been having some incredible mood swings today, and the intense smells are back... Maybe our news is just around the corner... Here's to hopin'.


This morning I woke up with a bad headache. And I realized that I'm 26 days from the start of last green bean week. And I thought, Oh, that's why, it's just about time for my period. Queue the sad, pessimistic thoughts...

My incredible sense of smell is gone. And I'm sure it was just a fluke, I didn't really have an increased sense of smell. My chest is only sore because it's almost green bean week. My stomach cramps are gone, and that was really a non-sign since it was probably due to using those muscles picking up EG's 2 1/2 year old off the slide. And the headache is a sure sign that Aunt Flow (I've never called it that, but it seems somehow appropriate right now) is on her way.

Will the pessimism go away with the headache, I wonder?

Friday, July 10, 2009


OK, so, to heck with Evan, I can keep from posting this until the time comes when we're sharing. We're trying to get pregnant. We've been trying since the last time my magic beans came up for re-upping, about June 16. Of course, that was green bean week, so we've been trying since then, but, you get the idea.

Since then, I've been seeing signs of being pregnant. My sense of smell is the biggest sign, I'm smelling EVERYTHING: the smoke of a neighbor's fire, the kitty box that was recently changed, the day lilies (who knew they had a sweet smell?)... And then there's the cramps. I've had cramps for the past week, and a couple of days ago, it was bad enough that I decided to take some Tylenol (I'm trying to be baby friendly, just in case). Of course, a couple of days before I was playing with EG's toddler, L, and I had sore muscles from that, so it could have been due to that... Add on top my sore breasts, and I'm wondering...

So, we'll see. In a short while I'll either get green bean week, or not. And we'll know.